Saturday came and went like any other day. I got my house absolutely spic and span, we got her stuff 100% ready, and we had the car packed and ready to go. Last minute, we even decided to invest in cord blood banking, so at 11 at night we were calling cord blood registries trying to get our hands on a kit. Kaiser doesn't carry them, they require their patients to bring them with them. Tight wads.
At 11:50 Saturday night, we left for Kaiser. Upon our arrival, they took us up to our room and got us situated. A couple hours later, after 2 very VERY painful exams, the midwife and doctor both decided that I wasn't 2cm or 80% effaced, but that instead, I was 1 cm and "thick" (not effaced at all). The doctor on duty at the time (Dr. Arora) was confused as to why I'd be admitted for an induction if I hadn't made more progress initially. She asked me if Dr. Doan (the Dr who approved my induction, who was scheduled to arrive at 8am and planned to deliver me) had given me my exam. I told her I'd never even met Dr. Doan, that I was scheduled for an iduction based on what the nurse discovered in my pelvic exam, and per her suggestion. Dr. Arora was very surprised that I'd be admitted for an induction based merely on the opinion of a nurse, without a Doctor ever signing off on it or seeing me themself. I agreed. However, I didn't realize what a huge difference progress makes, prior to getting to the hospital. Apparently, when your cervix is still thick, if they start you on pitocin with no effacement, the contractions will begin and they'll push baby into a brick wall, basically. Where as if I was already effaced, the contractions would push baby right through a soft cervix, and I could continue to dilate. All that said, Dr. Arora gave us a choice. It was almost 2 AM by this time. She told us that before starting us on pitocin, she would need to insert a pill that softens the cervix, and hope that it helps me dilate. She said she was allowed to try a max of 2 pills, each taking 4 hours on its own to do what it can. She told us that for some women, the pill is extremely painful, and others can't feel a thing. She also said that for some women it doesn't work at all, and for others it works like a dream. She did, however, inform us that the risk of having to have a c-section is 1 in 2, instead if the normal 1 in 3 odds with just inducing using pitocin. But, the only way they could move forward with the induction was if they softened my cervix first. After MUCH consideration and MANY questions, we (Neal, Me, Mom) decided it would be best to move forward with the pill. Worst case scenario, the pill doesn't work to soften my cervix, and I'd still be allowed to stop and go home. The only thing that would keep me from going home is if my water broke, or if they started the pitocin. All that said, we started the pill around 2:30. I slept for 4 hours, they woke me, checked me, and I had dilated 2 more cm (to a 3) and had become 50% effaced. This was great news! My body was responding beautifully, AND I wasn't feeling pain. So they put the second pill in, I slept a few more hours, they came back and checked me, and I had dilated another cm. So by a little before 11am sunday morning, I was at 4cm and 80% effaced. So, at noon, they started the pitocin! We were sooooooo happy to start that next phase.
They started the pitocin, and my body didn't really feel much for an hour or two, I think. I can't quite remember that part. When I got my epidural, I didn't get it because the contractions were too painful...I got it because my Doctor (Dr Arora had gone home and Dr. Doan had arrived) was a total jerk and liked hurting me as much as possible with every exam. The epidural itself wasn't painful like I thought it would be. But, the position I was in made me very uncomfortable and achy, and very hot. That was difficult. After the epidural, they gave me a catheter, and began pumpin up the pitocin every half hour. About an hour after getting the epi, I started really feeling some contractions. I looked at the screen - the contractions were big, and I was feeling them. I had Neal grab the nurse. This is the best part - the anesthesiologist never started the epidural pump! She had only manually injected the meds into the epidural iv, but had forgotten to begin the pump. So, I was feeling contractions! To be totally honest, as mad as I was that I'd gone through the discomfort of an epidural and was feeling the contractions anyway, there was a part of me that was happy I was feeling what they were like. This way, I can know for next time, and can make a better educated decision on what path I take for my labor and delivery. That said, contractions are nothing like I thought they'd be. They're just like Braxton Hicks, with pain that feels like you have to take a gnarly watery poo...but it's not as bad as diarhea cramps, either. I will say, as they increased in their intensity, the volume of my groans increased, too. But, I didn't want to die!! That was huge for me. :) So anyway, my nurse came in and turned on my epi pump...and within an hour, I was reeeeeaaally feeling numb. With the original amount of meds the anesthesiologist pumped in me, I could still basically move my legs. Couldn't feel them completely, but they weren't so heavy I couldn't move them. With as often as my nurse had set the meds to pump in me, I was so full of meds, that eventually I couldn't even wiggle my toes. She had told me that I should be able to wiggle them. So we called her back in to turn the epi down a notch. About 20 minutes later, I was feeling some very very strong contractions, back to back. We called the nurse back in, and she told us that she'd decided to turn my epidural off instead of turning it down. Excuse me, and excuse my language, but who the hell does she think she is???? So, needless to say, she turned it back on, but for the SECOND time I was feeling contractions, very strong ones, and I'd endured the discomfort of an epidural specifically to avoid uneccessary pain. Once was enough for me. So, after several hours on pitocin (maybe like 6), we started wondering why no one had checked me to see how dilated I was. The nurse was happy to come in every 30 minutes and crank up my pitocin until it was maxed out, but she never checked me to see if that was even necessary. Around 9ish, the baby's heart rate started to decelerate. I wasn't scared at first. But then, a bunch of nurses started coming into the room, cramming oxygen in my face and doing other things to help my nurse. They paged Dr. Doan. She came in and put an internal fetal monitor on the baby to better track her heart rate. It was definitely going down and down, and very quickly. Dr. Doan asked how dilated I was - surprise surprise, no one knew. She checked me quickly, I was 8cm and 100% thinned out. We all watched the heart monitor, everyone ready to act, everyone scared to death, everyone silent. We watched as the monitor showed Mckenzi's heart rate drop by one point every beat, until we lost it completely. Silent tears streaked my face quite heavily, as I began praying and pleading with Heavenly Father to watch over my little one while the Doctors and nursing staff did what they could to help her. I was scared to death. They all started shouting demands and yelling things I didn't understand, as I continued to cry and nod my head in agreement at things they were yelling at me in an attempt to "comfort" me in the situation. As they raced me on my bed to the OR for an emergency c-section, I passed my mom, I passed Neal, and all I saw on their faces was fear and confusion. This had all happened in a matter of seriously only 1 minute. We were happy and fine one moment, and the next, all was chaos.
They rushed me through door after door, banging into walls and crashing into things, and wheeled me into a room that's just like the ones you see on tv. There were about 15 bodies in the room with me. The shouting continued, the panicked voices were yelling over eachother and everyone was scrambling to do their part to save my little one's life. My fear was so overwhelming at this time, I was so incredibly scared for Mckenzi, that all I can do is sit here now and cry as I relive the moment. If for some reason it was in Heavenly Father's plan to take our little lovely away from this life just as we were about to have her in our arms to love and to cherish, I wasn't sure how I would recover from that. More than anything, my biggest thought was how I didn't want Mckenzi feeling any pain or experiencing any trama. Was it my fault for going ahead with the induction? Could I have prevented this? Had I gone against God's plan for her delivery, and so this was happening? I wasn't sure. Whatever the case was, I was dreadfully afraid of the outcome for our baby. As I lay on the bed, with people poking me and prodding me, scrubbing me and yelling at me, yelling at eachother, I just looked up and cried. And prayed. And prayed. And prayed. A new anesthesiologist had been trying to fill my epidural iv with an abundance of medication. Even though they had the c-section curtain lined up in front of me, I could still see everything that the Doctors were doing - the giant circular light over our heads was like a ridiculously large mirror. I closed my eyes tight. I felt pinching on my thighs as a Doctor yelled out, "can you feel this?"...and I knew (from having seen before I closed my eyes) that a scalpal was already on my belly waiting for the go ahead from the anesthesiologist. As I told them I felt every pinch, they swore and told the anesthesiologist that she needed to put me under and she needed to put me under 30 seconds ago. All I could think was, "If they need to cut me open and I have to feel it, or if they have to kill me to help her live, DO IT. Just DO IT. HELP HER." Next thing I know, my nurse has a mask crammed on my face, tells me to take a big breath, I obey, and I choke. The smell was so strong, stronger than any gas mask I'd ever experienced, and it was blowing so hard, I panicked and thrashed my face away. How was this going to work? It was suffocating me. The nurse yelled right in my face, both forcefully and gently - "Wendy! You have to do this for your baby! I know it feels like you're choking and that you can't breathe, but you have to let us suffocate you with this gas so that your baby will have a chance of surviving." That's all she needed to say. I nodded, and voluntarily suffocated. I still remember that pain. Luckily the suffocating was swift enough that I didn't feel it for long.
I woke up in a large recovery room. I was so doped up, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. I had to ask questions. The first obvious one, "Is she okay?". A voice nearby said, "Yes, your daughter is fine. She's in the NICU right now, she'll be there for a few hours, but her Daddy is with her." Relief. Absolute relief. Tears. Pain. More tears. My baby was okay. She was here. We were both okay. I asked question after quesetion...how much does she weight? How long is she? What color hair does she have? No one knew the answers. I was in and out of consciousness, but never let myself stay asleep for more than 30 seconds. My nurse came in and held up 2 pictures in front of my face - it was my daughter, eyes wide open, lots of brown hair, alert and lovely in absolutely every way. She put the pictures on my chest, and returned to be with my baby. My baby that was practically perfect in every way. A NICU nurse came into the room and began telling me a little more information. Mckenzi had come out a little grey, and was having some minor breathing problems, but she was stable and all looked promising. She told me I would see her in a few hours, when she'd be brought to my room and would be all mine from then on out. I tried asking her all the same questions about Mckenzi (in my drunken stupor) and she couldn't tell me a thing, either. Why didn't anyone know how much my dang baby weighed??? Sheesh! Then my husband came in the room. He looked so worn, like something had almost beat him to a bloody pulp, but at the same time, he had an undeniable look of both joy and relief freshly plastered all over his face. He took my hand, talked about Mckenzi, and then I found out all the questions no one knew. I asked him who was with Kenzi, and he said no one. I looked at him and told him to go be with her, and he said he would stay with me. So then I said, "I went through hell to bring our beautiful daughter into this world, now go be with her." I knew he was so happy I said that, I knew he wanted to be with her more than anything, once he knew I was okay. And so he went. Nurses came in and out every 15 minutes to examine me - the pressed hard on my stomach to make sure I wasn't bleeding internally and that everything was progressing as it should. All was well.
I was wheeled into my room around midnight. I had been rushed in for my csection at 9:38pm, and 8 minutes later at 9:46pm, Kenzi was delivered. Neal said I was in surgery for 45 minutes. She weighed 7 LB 6 OZ, 21 inches long. Long fingers, longs toes, slanted eyes, long skinny chicken legs and arms...all like her Daddy. JUST like her Daddy. Lots of brown hair, and LOOKS just like mommy. I'll post my baby picture and hers on here so you can see just how much we look alike. It's unbelievable! She's very mellow, very alert, opens her eyes wide every time she's held so she can see exactly who's holding her. She's very sweet, and she knows exactly who her mommy and daddy are. Nothing soothes her better than being in her parents arms. When one parent doesn't work, the other one will absolutely work. She has zero problems breastfeeding. She latched on with ease the very first time. She loves being swaddled, doesn't mind when she's not, she enjoys being gently kissed all over her face...for some reason, it's very soothing and familiar to her. She lost almost a pound in the hospital, and has been gaining it back every day. My milk came in 2 days ago, and she's gained 6 oz in those 2 days! She's almost back to her birth weight. Still, she's so tiny she doesn't fit into any of her newborn clothes. She's long and skinny, and I think she gets her weight from her length. The only clothes that come close to fitting are premie clothes! She takes a bottle with no problem at all, will suck on a binky if we want her to, and so far enjoys her baths...as long as the temperature is right!
We love our little bundle. Couldn't be happier as parents. We knew we'd love her...but we never could have fathomed how much we'd LIKE her, too. She's my bestfriend, she's Neal's new little love, and we're the happiest family we could be. We're simply in love, and in awe, of the gift we've been entrusted with. She's such a blessing. Mckenzi has made us better people by merely existing. I cry just about every day when I think about how she'll grow up, and how I don't want her to. I am doing my best to savor every moment with her. It's not difficult.
Here are just a few pictures. Because I have so many pictures to post, I'm going to post her most of her hospital pics on Facebook. If any of you don't have access, let me know, and I'll tell you how to access them. Pictures from here on out will be blogged as well as posted on FB. But, it would take way too long to post labor and delivery pics on blogger. So facebook it is!
