Does anyone else feel like they live life waiting for the NEXT big thing? It frustrates me a little that I'm guilty of doing this. I mean, for example, I've been pregnant for 28 weeks, and for the majority of these 28 weeks (well 24, since I didn't know about the pregnancy for 4 weeks duh) all I've been able to think about it life AFTER pregnancy. Only natural, I suppose. Life gets put on hold a bit. I can start my diet when I'm done, I can take my business to the next level when I'm done (which means a thousand different things), I can get out in my garage and climb on ladders and finally organize it all, I can head up getting our house listed for sale, etc, etc, etc. It's hard to take the bull by the horns when the bull has you, so to speak. :)
Also, I've been a little extra irritated people at church lately. My husband has unfortunately had the weekend shift for years now, which is normally fairly manageable, at least when I'm not pregnant. I have an demanding,clingy, energetic, (almost) 2 year old, I'm largely pregnant, and I have no husband to assist me in 1) getting us ready for church and 2)taking care of Mckenzi at church. She is nursery age, but has become overwhelmingly attached to me, and screams if I leave nursery to try and squeeze in a little bit of class. So, I spend my sundays working to get us ready, only to sit in nursery with a massive group of 2 year olds that need me to blow their nose and refill their sippy cups. It takes MAJOR effort just getting there. Once I get there, I'd like to be able to get anything at all out of it, and I can't. So on the sundays where I choose to not fight the fight, the members, particularly certain sisters, chalk it up to me just being lazy and inactive. I don't appreciate people calling MY PARENTS and asking them what they can do to get me to church. How about YOUR husband goes and works every sunday of his life? How about you stop looking at everything at face value, and try and understand that people have certain challenges and trials in their lives that can only be fixed with patience and time? It is plainly insulting. I feel like if the members were actually concerned, and cared, they would approach ME and ask ME what they could do to help. Instead, they get secretive and stealth, and talk to my parents as if it's too sensitive a matter to talk to me about. Please, TALK TO ME, so I can help you understand that I do my best, I do what I can, and my heart is in the right place. What it comes down to is that my Heavenly Father knows me and understands me, and at the end of the day, that's all I need to concern myself with. I just wish that others weren't so judgemental and unfeeling about it all. Everyone's circumstances are different. It just so happens that I have a young family, I'm doing it on my own, and that's all their is to it. People have NO IDEA the challenges that we face because of the career that my husband (and I) have chosen for our lives. I just wish that people would spend less time judging, and more time looking at the big picture. I know it shouldn't be annoying when I walk into Relief Society, and a whole row clears out just to make sure that I have seat, cuz heaven forbid the inactive girl should leave just cuz their wasn't a seat. Anyway, that's my rant today.
Whew, who knew I had THAT much to say? It's how I feel right now. That's just the way it is. I'm only capable of so much. I do my best as a mom, and I try my best to keep my heart, mind and spirit in the right place. That said, I love the Gospel, and I understand that the members that make up the church are only human, and do their best as well. Annnnnnyway, off I go to take care of my gnarly acid indigestion. And maybe hit the shower. But only AFTER I finish watching 17 Again, which is hilariously awesome. Oh how I have an inappropriate crush on Zac Efron. It's just an on again off again thing, so don't worry. :)