50 days.

Can we say "holy moly" please? Yes we can. Holy moly. 50 more days until little stud man joins the Holmes family. What do we have for him? Absolutely notta-one-thing. I go to target and stuff, or Babies R Us, and always end up leaving with about $100 in clothes for Mckenzi, and NOTHING for baby boy. They don't make cute for boys. That, and I'm always like, "Oh, well, I don't know why size this porker is gonna be." So, he'll survive in his cousin's hand-me-downs at first. And whatever the baby shower(s) bring. I told myself I'd at least buy the kid his coming home outfit. But there's nothing that's cute and frilly with polka dots and ruffles for boys! I am so glad I had a girl first. You'd think I'd have gotten the fashion outa my system, and would be fine pickin out something for my handsome chunky man (did I mention how huge he is?). I'll have to leave the homecoming outfit to Neal. Speaking of Neal, he's totally read for little man. At least HE'S getting ready for him. He's researched double strollers left and right, and has decided that it's only the best for his kids. And for himself. Haha. He's chosen the Bob Duallie as our major investment for this kid. Which, whatever. Neal jogs on a regular basis, and always takes Mckenzi with him, and plans to take both kids once they're here. Which means he'll need a "proper" stroller. The suspsion system on the BOB has him sold, hands down. No one else has anything even remotely comparable. (((Please hold while I go to the restroom))).

Another issue as of late: what to name the kid. Before we had Mckenzi, we were sitting in the movie theater one day (with my parents), watching the previews, and a movie with Vin Diesel was being advertised. I was like, "hey, if we have a boy, we could name him Dieeeesel." Little did I know how overjoyed Neal and Dad would be at the prospect of having a manly little boy running around named Diesel. It's been almost 3 years since then. And they have NOT let it drop. Neal is very, very attached to this name. The frustrating thing is, he'd trade it in a heart beart for any other ridiculous meat head name! Which just goes to show me that no matter what, my son is going to be named something gnarly and not very awesome. The names I like aren't manly at all, apparently (Grayson and Cooper). Neal is into Diesel and Axel. Only he requires that we spell Axel as "Axle", like the car part. Hell. To. The. NO. Who does he think he is???? My kid is not a friggin car part, or car accesory, or car gasoline, etc etc. He is a little sweet boy. And he will hate me forever when I go along with what his dad wants for him. I hope he'll read this someday, and understand how hard of a fight I put up. Don't get me wrong. I think the names Diesel and Axel are totally awesome. But not for my kid. Let my kid call your kid by those names, that will make ME happy. :) But whatever. I'm fairly certain (as in like 99.5% certain) that this battle is a losing one for me. Which just isn't fair at all, considering Neal and I both agreed on Kenzi's name. Not fair. I get NOTHING for carrying this kid for 9 months, other than a ripped hooty-h00 and sore boobs at the end. I just don't see how this is fair. Getting a woman pregnant is nothing but fun and games for a man. For most women, it's methodical calculation...checking your cervical fluid, your waking temperature, your cervical position, calculating ovulation...and the man just gets to go with it and party every time you say, "NOW!". And then for the next 9 months, the hardest part for the man is having to rub a sore back, or bend over and get something you can't reach. (Truth be told, Neal is was stellar, and does A LOT for us while I'm pregnant. Dishes, laundry, gets up with Kenz.) So anyway, my point is, I should have first say, and Neal should be the one settling. Right??? But then I tell myself..."well, this might be his only son. Why not give him the right of naming him?" I just wish he cared more about what I think on the matter. He swears he cares, and that it's not his fault that I haven't come up with "anything better". Douche. :P

You can all stop calling me "Wendy" and can begin calling me "the 200 lb woman". Because I swear, I'm most definitely right around the corner from there. I always promised myself I'd never been over a certain weight. Well ladies, there's just not much you can do when you're growing a teenager in your stomach. I haven't weighed myself at home ONCE, for fear of the depression it will throw me into. I'm scared for my appt on monday, because I know I"ll be weighed.

Speaking of my appt on monday, I've switched OB's again. 3rd time is the charm, right? I liked my first OB. 27 weeks of trusting the guy, only to find out that the hospital (Hoag) he delivers at isn't VBAC "friendly" at all. Maybe I shoulda talked to my OB personally to see if he had a way around the regulations that Hoag has set in place, but I just seemed to remember him casually mentioning something in our first appt together that verified that regulations he'd have to work under. "I absolutely perform vbacs, we just have to be open to a little extra monitoring and pain medication." He made it sound so casual. Then you talk to a hospital nurse and find out that the "little extra monitoring" is actually CONSTANT INTERNAL MONITORING, where they BREAK YOUR WATER (they don't wait for it to happen on it's own...which if it's done prematurely, can stall labor, leading to csec), SCREW INTO YOUR BABY'S SCALP, and monitor the baby that way. The whole time. I'm fairly certain that if someone screwed something into my scalp, I'd be uncomfortable, and certainly not interested in doing my best to be delivered smoothly and comfortably. Not any option for my baby. Internal fetal monitoring is ABSOLUTELY necessary in some instances, like when I was having Mckenzi. My crash cesarean was because she was gone. We knew that only because of the fetal monitoring. We listened to her heart get slower and slower, until it was no more. Anyway, the pain medication owuld have been administered upon arrival, as well. How am I supposed to do my part to labor, if I can't feel a thing? So, TRANSFER. I searched high and low, asked the ladies of ICAN (international cesarean awareness network - it's a group I subscribe to, where everyone on the list has had previous c's and shoot for vbacs. They all have advice, info, questions, etc to offer. Many of those ladies are crazy-extremists, like VBAC is the ONLY goal...I'm certainly no vbacitivist) to refer me to local (truely) Vbac supportive providers, and was referred to a group in Laguna Hills. I was assigned to one of the doctors, and had to transfer my records without ever even meeting her. Fine. As long as she's vbac friendly. I met her around 30 weeks. She's like one of the guys. She's from NY, has kinda the NY pushy/confident personality. She told me I needed the pertussis vaccine right then, told me I needed to committ to an epidural with her, and was very pushy on the matters. At the end of our meeting, the nurse came in with the vaccine, and I"m like, "I didn't say I was ok with it." She didn't like that. I told her I needed to think about it, talk to my husband, and she said that's fine I could get it at the next appt. As if! She was so pushy. She even gave me a pelvic exam, which I always thought was MAJOR no no until later in pregnancy. It was all to weird and uncomfortable. So I thought and thought, and a week ago (32 weeks) decided it was time for a switch. Priorities have changed. I want an OB who is kind, caring, and thoughtful, and OPEN to the idea of giving a VBAC a shot. I called up my aunt, who is similar to me, and she referred me to her OB that she has always raved about. He helped her with a complicated pregnancy of her own, where other OB's wouldn't have been so openminded. Anyway,come to find out he's the OB of several friends. Dr. Dietrich, in Placentia. I had my records transferred yet again, and haven't met the guy yet. Will on monday. Hoping for the best. I'll be 33 weeks that very day.

In other news, two nights ago we met with a potential doula. I "interviewed" several online first, exchanging emails, etc. Then narrowed it down, and had Emily over on thursday evening. We spent an hour with her, and we both feel comfortable with the idea of having her on board with us for our delivery experience. Early on in my pregnancy, I talked to Neal about the idea of a doula. At that point, neither of us felt like it was necessary, and even thought the idea was silly. Why would we want a stranger with us while we're having a baby? Normal people don't need strangers to help them deliver, so why should we? Well, as the process has continued of finding OB's and not meshing with them, and feeling like a VBAC is something we should at least TRY for, etc etc, we decided we need an EDUCATED person on our team. My mom is NOT pro vbac, my family kinda raises their eyebrows and voices bits of concern here or there, or asks questions that makes it clear they think I'm being a bit careless. Specifically my mom. I wish she would take some time to educate herself, for even 30 minues in a day, so that she could realize I'm being anything BUT careless. I'm not a granola hippie mom (though I love and respect my friends who are), I just want to be middle of the road on the subject of birth. Least intervention as possible, while AT a hospital just in case I need the intervention. Why can't my mom appreciate the wisdom in that? I could totally flip her and everyone out and go for a hbac (homebirth) like MOST vbac moms do. But annnyway, just another area where I seem to fall short in pleasing the mother. Yay! Lets just face it. No one who hasn't had a traumatic csection, who hasn't done the research, can possibly begin to understand it all. And that is ok. And that is why I can move forward in my decision to attempt VBAC. My husband is a champ. He is so supportive of me. I listen to all of his fears and concerns, which only go as far as "please don't do a homebirth or birthing center". He's absolutely up for the idea of having the doula, as he's realized that she's there to help him help me. He doesn't have to feel like he's doing anything wrong, like he can be doing things better, or anything like that. She can say, "hey, do this" and he can feel good knowing that he's being so valuable. And I'm looking forward to the doula being able to suggest to me diffferent positions, breathing techniques, etc. She suggested that I look into hypnobaby classes, but they're so expensive ($500), and on top of her fees, we just didn't budget for either of those things, especially all in one month. So I'm conflicted. I suppose I could make it happen, but I don't want to have any $500 regrets. Either way. So it's another thing to think about. Oh, and we hired Emily as our doula. And we are stickin with Dr. Dietrich. And delivering at St. Jude. Tootles!